I trust that today was enough. That I am enough. This moment at the end of the day is nothing but beautiful. It is filled with the weighted blanket of my own fatigue, saturating me. I want to lie down in bed and release the events of the day from my body. I want to …
Category: My Healing Journey
Food Rituals Part 2 // Back To The Very Beginning
It's funny... mindful eating is something I've really resisted, despite my interest in meditation and other mindfulness practices. I've been introduced to the concept of mindful eating many times, and it's always made sense to a part of me, while another part of me has rejected it, saying, 'That's too hard. I like my food …
Continue reading Food Rituals Part 2 // Back To The Very Beginning
Food Rituals Part 1
I'm a believer in ritual. We talk a lot about habits in our culture. For the purpose of this piece, I'll say ritual is something akin to habit. It's a rhythm. It's a way of doing something. But where habits can be conscious or unconscious, ritual is always intentional. A ritual is an intentionally created …
Procrastinating On What We Care About
We only procrastinate on the things that really matter to us. I've been procrastinating on writing almost every day of this writing challenge so far, and it's because I want so badly to write well. I want to write things with meaning, from inspired places, that connect with people. I want to create good things for …
Overproductive Is An Illness
"Overproductive is an illness" I wrote that in my journal earlier this evening. I was in my dark bedroom lying on my bed. I had twenty minutes after getting home from work before getting ready to go back out for jiu jitsu, and I was trying to relax, if just for a moment. I felt …
A rambling story about an IUD, feelings, womanhood, fertility, fear, and vulnerability
*** content warning: explicit description of female anatomy, allusions to sexuality, and honest emotional expression included in this piece *** This is a story of something small that happened, something truly insignificant in the grand scheme of things, something that could have just fallen into my past to be forgotten by all but me… but …
Integration & Afterthoughts 2: Repression, Remembering, Rebalancing
February 24, 2018 It's been a little over two weeks now since I finished my last Ayahuasca ceremony at Hummingbird Retreat. As time goes by, I am still choosing to consciously connect with the experience, trying to digest it and use it to make sense of and move forward correctly with my life... and at …
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Integration & Afterthoughts 1
February 18, 2018. West Point @ Eno River Today is the first day I have taken time to be in nature since coming home. This is one of the recommended integration activities post-Ayahuasca. Down in the jungle we were surrounded by nature and immersed in it in a fully sensory way. It's as much a …
Last Dance with Ayahuasca
February 9, 2018 Well friends, last night was my last ceremony with Mother Ayahuasca, and I am officially in my final hours here. After lunch I'm heading out, spending an afternoon in Iquitos with one of the friends I made here, then boarding a plane. I'm feeling refreshed, peaceful, grateful, excited.... I am in a …
Huachuma, Sacred Mountain Cactus
February 7, 2018 It's Day 7 at Hummingbird Retreat. We're on another day off after our Huachuma day yesterday. Tomorrow is my last Ayahuasca ceremony, and then the next evening I fly out. It's going by, and I feel both excited and apprehensive about going back home. It's hard to see shifts in ourselves sometimes. …
Expressions from this side of the here & now 