Hello world, I’m checking in to share what’s going on for me right now. This will be a short piece. I’m warming myself up for more writing in the next few weeks.
The news of this writing piece is that in 10 days I’m flying to Peru to do a 9-day Ayahuasca retreat. I’m actually already in prep mode physically – I’ve taken January as a progressive cleanse month and am officially on “la dieta” now, consuming very clean food with no salt, sugar, spiciness, vinegar, citrus, oil, etc… no substances including alcohol and caffeine… no sexual activity… reducing stressful situations and internet/phone usage… I’ve basically tried to cut out most sources of negative or strong energetic influence from my diet and routine.
This is something I’ve been thinking about and planning for a little while. I haven’t even touched the medicine yet, but I’m already going through a process that feels very healthy to me. Without all the junk in my life and diet, emotions that I don’t want to feel are coming up to the surface… a lot of hard-to-pin agitation, frustration, impatience, self-judgment, placelessness, fear, confusion… in the moment it’s hard, because it feels very real. The hard emotions have thoughts behind them like “I have failed at life”, “I’ll never find my purpose”, “I’m not good enough”, etc. It’s hard to confront those things, because they don’t feel good. But there’s something about the feeling of it… like… I cry, and it moves through me. Then I’m still standing in the same place, but I have a better perspective on it. Maybe those things can exist as feelings within me, and I don’t have to take it so seriously. Maybe it’s just good for me to know that I’m not totally happy with where I am right now, and that something bigger is calling to me. It hurts to not understand the calling fully, but it hurts even more to deny it and lie to myself.
Is this the Ayahuasca working its magic on me already? I’ve been holding the intention to connect with Mother Ayahuasca, reaching out to her with my consciousness in earnestness and humbleness. I think of her, and reconnect with the intention, when I sit down to meditate every day. And this physical process of removing the junk input from my life already seems like a deep cleansing that I’ve apparently really needed.
If you’re curious about what Ayahuasca is, and where I’m going, I’ll leave you the link to my retreat center… They have some beautiful information there. http://www.ayahuascaretreats.org/
I intend to write about the journey, on the front end as well as afterwards, or whenever makes sense. I’ll try to just be honest and express myself, and if that’s something you’d like to read and follow along with, then feel free 🙂