Reflections on Finding My Voice

We’re midway through the month of November, which means the writing challenge is mid-swing and halfway done.

Life has been extra wild again, lately. Last month I tried to put some ‘structure’ in my life by waking up early and exercising most days of the week. That felt very grounding. I feel a little bit like I’ve lost that grounding this month, adding in the writing. And on a surface level that is a scary thing, and something I don’t like. It’s not fun having emotional swings; it’s not fun feeling disorganized; it’s not fun feeling writer’s block.

I think I am a writer because I have things to say that will be helpful to some part of the world. The process of finding what needs to be said through me is what “finding my voice” is, I think. This month is a little like diving into the deep end, to publish writing every day. I don’t know how to ease up on the pressure and perfectionism right away. I get anxious. I procrastinate. I feel disorganized. But somewhere inside of me a process is happening, and I trust that.

Even when I’m not writing, I’m thinking about writing. Sometimes anxiously. I don’t think that’s healthy. I want to get better at just being where I am when I’m there, and having blocks of time committed to writing that I devote to my writing.

I started writing about rituals last week, and that’s one thing I need for my writing – a ritual. It deserves a special place in my routine, and it will need that in order to grow.

Keeping it short today, because I have to pack and am heading out tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Thanks for reading; would love your thoughts on creating rituals – how do you make a sacred space for your creativity? How do you court your muse?

 

p.s. just a little life/health tidbit. I’m practicing being more ‘fluid’ in my body, a concept introduced to me at the World School of massage in San Francisco. Everything inside of us is connected; our bodies are living processes, not solid things. We really need to be moving, be fluid and flexible, to be healthy. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, we aren’t meant to stagnate. I had writer’s block earlier and was trying and stuck, and trying and stuck again, and at a point I loosened up a bit and realized – we can always move if something isn’t working for us. We’re never truly stuck, we can always move somehow. Moving our bodies, changing our physical position, is stimulating for other kinds of movement inside us. And if you’re in a place where you can’t move wildly – in a car, or at a desk, or whatever else – you can still engage in little micro-movements inside your body. I honestly can’t recommend that enough. So many of us have weird pains and body-oddities that feel nebulous and mysterious and unfair, but how often do we spend actually feeling into our bodies, exploring the way we sit and stand, where we tighten up, where we put pressure, etc? When we live in our heads we miss out on what’s going on in our bodies. I feel on a spiritual level we’re meant to be moving all the time. The nature of our movements change – there’s a full range between the slow, rhythmic breathing of sleep, and the power and intensity of sprinting, or fighting, or whatever you imagine when you think of intense movement. But life is flow, and we’re meant to be a part of it. We can’t be solid and also be in the flow of life. We have to move. And sometimes I find when I’m stuck on something my only real productive option is to do just that – get up and move! If you try to do something and are hitting a wall, change your position. Move yourself, and see if you can’t try another way. Or try when it’s easier. Try when the flow is with you. And feel the flow inside your body. Feel your way into sitting and standing more fluidly. Allow yourself space and movement. Allow your joints to be soft instead of stacked. It feels foreign at first, but very, very good.

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