I am becoming more and more conscious every day, and finding so many small joys in that process of waking up. Today I feel inspired to share a new way that I am observing my life: instead of viewing everything from my own point of view as an isolated being, I can choose to focus …
Iboga Part 2: Ceremony and Discovery Day
December 23, 2019. Fairfax, CA. I am at home with family. It is the holiday season. There is some anxiety about "integration" today. Now I'm back in the "real world" and it's time to put into practice what I've learned. Some points of focus: Exert conscious control over the mind, and don't use it when …
Iboga Part 1: Meeting the Medicine
Post Iboga. December 22, 2019. I am sitting at the airport in Liberia, Costa Rica. I have just spent 10 days in this beautiful country. I am a different person than I was when I got here. I feel more present. More at ease with the flow of things. A little less anxiety-prone. And I've …
Three Steps to Surviving & Thriving When Sh** Hits The Fan
My head is clear for the first time in months. It's been a journey since the last time I wrote. I got a restraining order. I ran a marathon. I moved out of my house and drove across the country. I visited Sedona... a place of dreams and miracles, to which a piece of …
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The things I really want to say about “safety”
What is the deal with "safety"? Every part of my safety feels compromised, lately. Real or not, I keep finding myself in situations that seem "unsafe". Unsafe. Unsafe. I keep feeling it. Every day. It's at the heart of the work I'm doing right now, with my eating disorder. A set of behaviors that gets …
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Trying to stay safe instead of stepping forward to meet life
Hi friends. It's time for another post. I'm writing from California. Life has taken me all over the place the past two months. It's a blessing and a challenge. The food void has deepened its expression in my life, in this time that I've been traveling. I feel trapped but I also know I'm going …
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The Urge To Binge Eat
OK, it's here, right now. A voice in my ear telling me to go eat. A legitimate desire to abandon everything else in my life right now and just go eat. "The urge". I was anxiously moving around, teetering, eating some things but not descending into full-on binge mode (mostly because there are people around …
Failure: Just Another Reason to Keep Trying
It does not feel like I've made progress in the last week, friends. It feels like I've reverted back to the worst of myself. I've been binge eating every day this week. Every day for most of this program, even. Except the rosy beginning. Every day. Can you imagine? Setting yourself to the task of …
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Every day is full of wins & losses
Hi friends, Let me paint you a picture of what it looks like to be actively fighting to grow out of an addiction. No day is boring or simple. Every day is both a joy and a battle. Most days have wins. Most have losses. Sometimes I write them down! Sometimes I pay attention enough …
Food Addiction – The beginning of a long conversation
Hi friends... I don't know how to approach writing this post, and have been anxious for a while even thinking about it. I think I even showed up here and tried a few times, only to get frustrated and quit. But a part of me wants to show up, to find a way to do …
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Expressions from this side of the here & now 