Longing to blossom into more of myself

What a journey, life. What a year so far! It started with the breakup! I mean, really, wow! I didn’t see it coming, I wasn’t ready for it… and yet, it is now done, and life is moving on, and slowly I am reimagining this life and my place in it. There are moments of deep uncertainty, where I feel sort of stranded and confused about where to go next. Luckily, from there, it is possible to “come home to myself”, to deepen my roots in my own energy, my own self, and then.. well, more of my own dreams must be possible. And so I must be thankful to life for the opportunity to grapple with this uncertainty.

I’ve really been struggling at times with the work that I’m doing, figuring out just what I do and don’t want to be doing with my time, and what matters to me, etc. I want to write about all of that more, because it feels like one of the universal struggles, and one that is really coming up to the surface with us “Millennials”, being so sensitive and caring so much to find a way of living and working that resonates with who we are as people and what our passions are. It’s a good thing; it is an evolution in our collective wisdom about how to be better humans. And we can probably help each other by being honest about the journey.

Today was a hard day for me. Here are some words I wrote on my lunch break:

While I play the role of ‘software engineer’, I get to glimpse the inner workings of a part of our matrix. The tedious, brick-by-brick laying of part of the virtual infrastructure. Is this where I want to be? It certainly feels limited and cage-like in a way, though that might just be inherent to the experience of living anyway, an inevitability. But my heart longs for expansiveness, and senses it less here in the computer than out there in the rays of January sunshine and soft birdsong.

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