OK, it's here, right now. A voice in my ear telling me to go eat. A legitimate desire to abandon everything else in my life right now and just go eat. "The urge". I was anxiously moving around, teetering, eating some things but not descending into full-on binge mode (mostly because there are people around …
Category: My Healing Journey
Failure: Just Another Reason to Keep Trying
It does not feel like I've made progress in the last week, friends. It feels like I've reverted back to the worst of myself. I've been binge eating every day this week. Every day for most of this program, even. Except the rosy beginning. Every day. Can you imagine? Setting yourself to the task of …
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Every day is full of wins & losses
Hi friends, Let me paint you a picture of what it looks like to be actively fighting to grow out of an addiction. No day is boring or simple. Every day is both a joy and a battle. Most days have wins. Most have losses. Sometimes I write them down! Sometimes I pay attention enough …
Food Addiction – The beginning of a long conversation
Hi friends... I don't know how to approach writing this post, and have been anxious for a while even thinking about it. I think I even showed up here and tried a few times, only to get frustrated and quit. But a part of me wants to show up, to find a way to do …
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A cure for loneliness
Last day in California, sadly... flying to Portland with Aidan in a few hours. I am feeling grateful for the time with family this week. It took me a few days to open up, but it was a beautiful moment when I did. I think we all needed to do the check-in. I forget how …
When life gets overwhelming
Sometimes it feels like life is moving very fast. When I focus on that, I get dizzy. The truth is that I am capable of moving with the flow of life and not being overwhelmed. This means embracing life as it is and accepting all that comes... it means taking real action without hesitating or …
Not starting with “Sorry”
My mom and I are both cleaning out our closets right now. She calls me to tell me that she got my letter and it made her weepy. That she's going through all the papers in her house and has a hundred pounds of old bills to get rid of; how much lighter it feels, …
The hurt only asks for love
Hello, end of another day. A beautiful day. A full day. Sweetness in my heart. Exploring my feelings, like they are a person. I find myself in the feeling, a small child, who wants to play. Even when the feeling hurts; so often we run away from the hurt, but underneath the hurt there is …
We have to say goodbye, to make room for something new
I feel a great movement in my life. I feel it in my heart right now, like a weight, the heaviness that is all of this life swirling around me, ever-changing, outside the grasp of my fingers; no matter how tightly they close, I am left with air, and myself. We have to say good-bye, …
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Happiness is a path
Happiness: at least a strong hint about who you really are There's no reason to say 'No' to happiness when it comes. How many times have I shortchanged myself, held myself back from enjoying the moment in front of me, because I thought I had somewhere else to be, was worried about being late, was …
Expressions from this side of the here & now 