Boldness.

Something I am meditating on. Trying on for size. Experimenting with.

Boldness is a state of being. It doesn’t ask how or why. It just is.

One of my newest desires, when it comes to boldness: Buy sexy clothes. Wear sexy clothes everywhere. For different environments, just wear different kinds of sexy. Like, have your comfy sexy clothes too. But why wear anything that doesn’t make you feel sexy? Why wear something that makes you want to hide away from the world?

It’s very masculine to be strictly efficient and utility-focused in my clothing choices; this has been a pattern of mine in much of what I do. Yeah, all I need my workout clothes to do is handle sweat and stay on my body. But the wild feminine in me wants more than utility; she wants and flaunts beauty. I say it’s high time I let her go for it. So last night I wore a fucking crop top on my run. Yeah, I let my sweet belly touch the air. It felt awesome. Empowering. Beautiful. A statement to myself that I can go out in clothes I feel sexy in doing anything.

Real talk though, when I realized I was inspired to do that, I had a little wall of resistance and fear come up. A fear-ridden little voice in my head said ‘It’s not safe to do that! You’ll stand out! People will think you’re asking for it! You’ll look immodest!’ and I realized… woah, I’ve been playing it small for so long, because I’ve internalized this voice my whole life. I’ve kept my own sexuality hidden, like it’s something dirty.

Yeah, maybe there’s a tactless way to be sexy in public. Or… not even that, because that’s a judgment on other women, and I don’t want to be that kind of caddy anymore. Maybe there’s just a way of self-expressing that wouldn’t feel right for me. But there’s also a way to rock what you got… stylishly, and with your own personal touch. Style is a statement. It’s a self-expression. It’s one that I’ve held back most of my life for fear of being judged. I’m not interested in that anymore! I want to be a little more outwardly sexy, a little more outwardly beautiful. More confident. More comfortable in my skin. Louder. I want to be the different and unique human that I am. I want to be a little more bold! A little more fearless.

When I ran down the road in my sexier-than-an-old-t-shirt running clothes, I got a couple honks. I thought about how it seems to me that women get angry about these things. That maybe even I get uncomfortable. Or… I feel like I should be uncomfortable. But it dawned on me, when you go out and rock your own kind of beautiful, it’s going to bring you attention. Just because that’s what beauty does. And maybe that’s what I’ve feared, on some level. As if attention means I have to react in a certain way. Guess what? I don’t have to do anything if you notice me or react to me. I can keep doing my thing. And I want to be strong enough to hold my own light, even when other people are looking. The alternative that I’ve chosen in much of my life is playing small. And yeah, if I wear an old baggy T-shirt out for a run, like I’m trying to hide my body so no one can see me…. maybe I avoid some attention, but I also send a message to myself, that attention is bad. That I can’t trust the world. That I’m not beautiful. Or if I am beautiful, that it’s something to hide. Baby, if you ever think you have to hide your beauty… damn, that’s heavy. Shrug that off!! I get it, that it feels like the world can be too much. That beauty (or the attention that it brings you) can feel like a curse and a burden. But it’s time for us to rise! For each of us to own what is beautiful in us, to celebrate it and be proud! There’s a lighter and happier way of seeing and being in your beautiful body, and it’s here for you to claim, right now.

It all starts with how you treat yourself. The energy you feed yourself is what trickles into your world. Nurture your beauty and your strength. Try on some boldness. The divine, wild feminine is waking up out of a long sleep; let her rise in you; let yourself be more than the quiet, nice girl. Move more. Speak your mind with flying colors. Where are you holding yourself back? Don’t think too much about it. Mostly I want to tell you that you’re beautiful and powerful, that everything is working out, that it’s worth it to let go and trust. Trust. Trust. Trust this life and this world. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. There’s more to life than hiding in our old wounds. And there’s powerful energy out here right now. Take this as an invitation from the Universe, coming through me, to say yes to life and yes to yourself. To be an advocate, for yourself.

By the end of my run I felt myself totally immersed in the state of being that is boldness. I wasn’t faking it; I was it. And that new, bolder version of me is something I want to cultivate more. She is itching to do different things in this world. To really be here, without shrinking back.

It’s a silly little thing, changing what you wear. At least, that’s what the old me would have said. But I’m changing; I see and feel things differently now, and it’s for the better. If you feel yourself changing, too…. embrace it, and trust. Namaste.